Hello families! David is 7 months old!
First of all, I would like to thank all the essential workers and send my thoughts and prayers to those who are suffering and others who have lost loved ones during these unprecedented times.
I cannot describe how much I enjoy being a mother and watching baby D grow. He becomes more and more a little man each day. It is so funny that he has even started listening selectively. Oh! I cannot skip mentioning about solid foods. Baby D is a very independent eater. He does not like to be fed. He refuses food when I try to spoon-feed, but when I put his food on the tray, he gobbles it down. He is still developing his fine motor skills so after he finishes eating, himself, the table, floor, and even me, all are covered with food. Cleaning after each meal is a lot of work, but it is definitely an exciting experience when he tries new food and enjoys eating. On weekends, my husband and I try to parallel his mealtime and our mealtime so baby D can have experience of having a meal together with his family. We have started our new tradition: eating grilled cheese sandwiches (cooked by my husband) together on weekends. However, I have not been completely fine because of the COVID-19 pandemic. It creates fear and anxiety. Uncertainty adds more stress, as well. I believe that many parents feel this way, so I thought it would be great to share why parents need to maintain a calm demeanor while caring for their babies.
Co-regulation
Research has found that self-regulation is the key to success. For example, even though your child is brilliant, if he cannot control the temptations while he is studying, he would be challenging to have a good grade. This applies to the social world. If he cannot follow the rules and behave impulsively, he may not have many friends, and it could be challenging for him to be a leader. Therefore, many researchers have focused on self-regulation.
Self-regulation is not a thing that we are born with. When a baby is born, unlike in his mother’s womb, he needs to regulate his breathing, temperature, eating, elimination and sleep/alert. He also needs to control his emotions. In other words, he needs to be calm enough so he can meet his physiological needs. However, due to his limited ability to regulate himself, he requires having primary caregivers (in most cases, parents) who support this regulation process. Parents feed him, burp him and change him. Parents put on and take off his clothes. Parents walk him, hush him and rock him. While having these experiences, a baby gradually develops self-regulation. As your baby grows and regulates himself better, the need for your support decreases. Until then, parents have a crucial role in the development of their child’s self-regulation. So, parents are the external regulator of their child. Co-regulation refers to this social process of regulation.
When parents are anxious and occupied by their own negative emotions (such as fear and anxiety), they can fail to regulate their own emotions. Then, these parents cannot function as co-regulators. Without primary caregivers who provide external regulation, their baby fails to regulate himself, which could compromise his development not only short term but also long term. Therefore, it is important for parents to regulate their emotions. Think of it as like wearing an oxygen mask on the plane. Flight attendants ask you to wear an oxygen mask first and then put it on your child. If you don’t wear the mask first, you cannot be well enough to help your baby. Regulation/co-regulation works the same way. You need to regulate yourself first in order to support your child to regulate himself.
Stay safe, everyone!
- Minnie