Hello families! David is 3 months old!
Since my son came into the world, my husband and I have been able to learn more about him each and every day. This allows us to be better equipped to accommodate him since we are more aware of his behavioural communications (e.g., what he likes/dislikes, how his body clock works, etc.) through observations. This learning also helps us develop his wake-up/sleep routines. I thought it would be great to share the things I consider when I’m developing wake-up/sleep routines for my baby. I hope this information can be useful to parents who are ready to start implementing more predictable routines for their babies.
Before I start, as a disclaimer, I am sharing what works for my baby and family. The needs of each child and family differ so I hope you can use this information as an idea to inspire you to develop appropriate wake-up/sleep routines for your baby.
By 12 weeks, on typical days, David's wake-up/sleep routines are,
Waking up at between 6:00 am and 6:30 am followed by feeding, playing, and infant massage.
Sleeping at 8:30 am
Waking up at 10:30 am followed by feeding, playing and an outing
Sleeping at 12:30 pm
Waking up at 3:00 pm followed by feeding and playing
Sleeping at 5:00 pm
Waking up at 6:00 pm followed by a quick feeding and playing
Bathing at 7:00 pm followed by infant massage
Feeding at 7:30 pm (the longest feed) followed by reading a book, putting the sleep sack on, singing a goodnight song
Sleeping at 8:20 pm
** He usually has two longer naps (2 to 3 hours) and one shorter nap (one hour or less).
** 8 feedings throughout the day.
First of all, I believe that the wake-up/sleep routine should reflect the needs of my baby as well as the family members. If the routines only reflect one side, it would be difficult to keep consistency. Therefore, while following the natural body clock of my baby, it is important to accommodate the needs of my husband and me at the same time so we can avoid failing to follow the routines.
Wake-up time
The best way to determine a wake-up time for your little one is to follow his/her natural wake-up time. If you notice that your baby keeps waking up at a similar time then it probably is his/her wake-up time. For example, my baby wakes up anytime between 6:00 am and 8:00 am. So his wake-up time can be anytime between 6:00 am and 8:00 am. Even though on most days he sleeps through the night, if he wakes up before 6:00 am, I consider that is still his sleep time. Therefore, I do whatever I need to do such as quick check-up, diaper change, feed (snack portion), etc. in the dark with minimal interactions so he can drift into sleep again.
On the other hand, you also need to consider the needs of other family members. You may have an older child who needs to be dropped off to school. You may need to go to work. In my case, my husband and I value the time when my husband can spend uninterrupted morning hours with our little one before he goes to work. Therefore, our son’s wake-up time is between 6:00 am and 6:30 am.
On the weekends, we let him sleep as long as he can because we can be more flexible since my husband does not need to go to work on most weekends (sometimes he does though). This also allows us to check any changes in his sleep needs. So, I am writing this part on a Sunday (12 weeks 6 days) and the last two days, he has slept until 7:30 am (11 hours stretch) so we are going to adjust his schedule. His wake-up time is set because of daddy and me time in the morning, therefore, we will move his bed-time earlier.
Awake time between sleeps
You would notice that your little one's awake time increase as he/she gets older. Until 12 weeks old, mine has about two hours of gap between sleeps (** longer than typical 3-month- old children’s). Based on my experience of working with young children, I am aware that many children have shorter awake times between wake-up time and the first nap (my son has approximately 1 hour 45 minutes) and longer between the last nap and bedtime for night time sleep (my son has approximately 2 hours 20 minutes). This changes depending on his needs each day so I should be able to adapt day to day. It does not mean my son can go for 4 hours without sleeping. I can be flexible +/- 30 mins but nothing more than this. This should also reflect my little one’s developmental needs as he grows. Lately, I have noticed that he is more likely to fall asleep 2 hours 10 minutes after he wakes up rather than 2 hours. So, I will enjoy spending time with him a bit longer and delay putting him down to his crib for about 10 minutes.
Bedtime for night-time sleep
Depending on your baby's natural body clock and the needs of night feedings, parents can determine the bedtime for their little one. Mine is around 11:00 pm, and now his bed-time is around 8:30 pm. My husband and I have gradually moved it earlier and earlier whenever his wake-up time becomes later because it indicates he is able to sleep longer stretches. As I mentioned, we will move his bedtime one hour earlier because he can sleep longer now.
Make sure to have an appropriate last nap
Overly tired babies cannot sleep well. Also, if babies aren't tired enough, they cannot fall asleep either. I believe that even though sleep is influenced by so many factors, the last nap affects young children's nighttime sleep the most. I make sure my little one's last nap ends at 6:00 pm so he can go to sleep by 8:20 pm (enduring enough awake time). I also make sure he has at least one cycle of sleep (at least 40 mins) for his last nap. For this, I sometimes need to manipulate his last two nap times so he can have an appropriate last nap. For example, I may need to wake him up from his second nap by 3:00 pm before he wakes up on his own to make sure he has a large enough awake window for his last nap and he can have at least one cycle of sleep for his last nap
Limit duration of daytime sleep
I limit my baby's each nap to a maximum of 3 hours which aids in preventing day and night confusion. Sometimes, he is more tired but I still break his naps into smaller chunks. For example, instead of one 5 hour-long nap, I would let him have 3 hours and 2 hours divided up into two naps.
Stick to the plan before adjusting
Growth spurts, sleep regression, leaps, etc. all babies go through difficult times. It would be great to provide some consistency to your little one when everything is out of control. I do not mean that parents should have a strict schedule but they should daily routines - what comes first and what comes next. I would not change my routines because of those difficult times. These times are temporary and my little one will most likely bounce back to his typical routines if I continually provide consistency. Of course, as he grows and develops, his needs will change so I need to adjust accordingly. However, I believe that changing routines due to those difficult days isn’t helpful.
In the future
Based on the new changes of his sleep patterns (e.g., can sleep longer stretch, awake time is more than 2 hours, shorter first nap, etc.), I predict David's new wake-up/sleep routines over the next month to be,
Waking up at between 6:00 am and 6:30 am followed by feeding, playing, and infant massage.
Sleeping at 8:30 am
Waking up at 9:30 am followed by feeding, playing and an outing
Sleeping at 11:40 pm
Waking up at 1:50 pm followed by feeding and playing
Sleeping at 4:00 pm
Waking up at 4:45 pm followed by a quick feeding and playing
Bathing at 6:00 pm followed by infant massage
Feeding at 6:30 pm (the longest feed) followed by reading a book, putting the sleep sack on, singing a goodnight song
Sleeping at 7:20 pm
** Updates: Based on a week of attempting to move the bedtime earlier, he adopted this new schedule well from day one. There was one day he woke up once at 2:00 am but went back to sleep without my help. So, he goes to bed at 7:20 pm and wakes up at 6:00 – 6:30 am now.
As a new mother, my life has never been this crazy before. I am still learning new things as well as how to apply my educational knowledge into my real, hectic motherhood. I have to admit that it is not easy. I can feel very frustrated and even mad at myself and situations I am in but I am trying my best as I know all of you are. I would like to point out what Winnicott said: Good enough parents. Babies do not need perfect parents. They need good enough parents who have a love for their child and this love drives them to foster healthy relationships with their babies.
I would like to thank those parents who recently have contacted me for my services! I truly appreciate it. At this point, with this little one, I cannot support you as much as you deserve so I will resume my services sometime next year. Thank you!
- Minnie